In honor of the wonderful holiday of Festivus, made popular by the TV show Seinfeld, I will be performing the opening tradition, the ‘Airing of Grievances,’ where I will lash out at all those who have disappointed me this year. Since this is a sports blog, here are some of the sports related grievances I would like to air out (I will try and write them in a similar fashion that I believe Frank Costanza would write them in):
NBA: James Dolan
When are you going to give Knicks fans a break? You spent $1 billion and three years renovating the World’s Most Famous Arena, getting rid of the famous tunnel Willis Reed came limping out of in 1970, and, as a result, jacked up the price of Knicks tickets to make them some of the most expensive in the league for a team that is currently 8-18. And what is with those ugly, new, orange alternate uniforms? This is just another attempt to squeeze as much money out of Knicks fans as you can. The Knicks are 0-6 when wearing these orange jerseys and have lost by an average margin of 17.7 points in those games, including humiliating losses of 31 and 41 to the Spurs and Celtics, respectively. Demoting former President & General Manager Glen Grunwald one month before the season started and replacing him with Isiah Thomas accomplice Steve Mills, who has never been an NBA president or GM, was the last in a long line of head scratching, hair-tearing front office moves. First you chase out Donnie Walsh, who almost single handedly took away the Knicks label as the NBA laughingstock last decade, and then you remove Grunwald, who helped guide this team to 54 wins last season. Ordering the Knicks City Dancers to be on the floor less time during games is not going to help the Knicks this season Jimmy. Maybe it is time to concentrate more on your jazz band, JD and the Straight Shot, and less time tinkering with the Knicks.
NCAAF: The Pac-12 Referees of the Wisconsin/Arizona State College Football Game
How many of you does it take to spot a football? Apparently more than there were on the field for the September 14 matchup between the Wisconsin Badgers and the Arizona State Sun Devils. Badgers quarterback Joel Stave kneeled the ball, centering it on the field, with 16 seconds to go in the game and Wisconsin down two. The plan was to then spike the ball to stop the clock and then send out the field goal unit for a potential 32-yard game winning field goal. The only problem was that Wisconsin was never able to spike the ball because you guys were unable to spot in in time. 16 seconds left in a two-point game and none of you have the common sense to move quickly in an end-of-game situation where every second counts. At the very least, one of you could have penalized Arizona State for time wasting after their players jumped on top of the ball, even though the play had been whistled dead. All in all, this was without a doubt the worst officiating job this year, in any sport. The Sun Devils did not beat the Badgers that night, you referees did. It is one thing to give “home calls” to Pac-12 football teams; it is completely different to actively prevent the away team from winning the game.
NFL: Superdome Electrical System
It is the single biggest sporting event in the United States and you go down in the middle of it… for 34 minutes. How many thousands of people are there working at the Superdome for this game and none of them can prevent the power from going out. 8 regular season games are played there every year plus however many playoff games when the Saints get home field advantage and there are no problems then. But in the game that over 100 million people are watching, the power fails and possibly affects the outcome of the game. A 34-minute break in the 3rd quarter is a long time, more than enough time for players to tighten up and momentum to be lost and won.
MLB: Ryan Braun
The sample collector who collected your urine, which showed he had taken steroids during his 2011 NL MVP season, was fired because you blamed his mishandling of your sample as the reason for your positive test. You may have ruined this poor guys life because you decided to cheat and lie. You were proven a cheater, but instead of admitting it and taking your lumps you called out the collector’s character and integrity. Now you have finally admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs, but what are you going to do for this poor guy whose job you cost him in your ploy to keep from getting caught doping?
Soccer: Luis Suarez
You are the best player in the English Premier League, but you are also far and away the most psychotic. You were suspended six games to begin this season for Liverpool for biting an opponent on the arm, which is not your first incident of biting in a game (Ajax, 2010) nor is it your first suspension with Liverpool (Racial slur, 2011). You do not have to respect opposing fans, they certainly do not respect you, but have some respect for your opponents. You do not have to like them, you do not even have to set a good example on the field, just stop setting such bad examples on the field. Physical and verbal abuse towards your opponents is unacceptable and childish. Why can’t you be half as smart as you are talented?
NCAAB: John Calipari
Before first-ranked Kentucky’s matchup against second-ranked Michigan State you were quoted as saying “The issue becomes playing teams [like Michigan State] this early is not fair for my team. It may be fair for everybody else. But it’s not fair for my team… It’s just not traditional in the sense everybody stays four years. So it’s not fair when we walk in and everybody else is more experienced.” You have no right to complain about a system, one-and-done, that you more than anybody else have fully embraced. You want your teams to have more experience? Then start recruiting players who are going to play more than one year of college basketball. This, of course, came just one month after you said you wanted this team to go undefeated. So you want your team, consisting of five McDonald’s All-Americans coming in as freshmen who will more likely than not leave for the NBA after this season, to go undefeated but you do not want to play against ranked opponents with teams consisting of more experienced players. Nobody has any sympathy for you Coach, stop making excuses. You went on to lose that game 78-74. Is that Karma Kramer?
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